


Pain In The Neck

by Kerrigore



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Cats, Eventually Vampire Jack Morrison, Flashbacks, Fluff and Humor, Halloween, Human Jack Morrison, M/M, Maximum Sass, Shenanigans, Vampire Lord Gabriel Reyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 23:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12353190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerrigore/pseuds/Kerrigore
Summary: Jack decides to figure out which vampire myths are actually true by testing them on his partner. Luckily, Gabriel is a good sport.





	Pain In The Neck

Out of all of the regrets Gabriel Reyes had in life, and unlife, he was pleased to say that Jack Morrison wasn't one of them. Usually. It  _ was _ Halloween, so all bets were off.

Gabriel stared at the inside of his coffin, piercing the darkness to hone in on the details of the plush silk attached to the interior of the lid. He’d been awake for a while, and knowing Jack had gotten up before him, needed the extra time to mentally prepare for what his husband had in store this year.

He remembered their first Halloween back when Jack was more… manageable. 

 

* * *

 

_ The moment Gabriel stepped out of his coffin he was shot in the face by a spray of water.  _

_ Before him stood his boyfriend, grinning and showing off a pair of fake fangs. He was dressed in red leather from head to toe. Most of his face was painted white with makeup, except around his eyes, which had been surrounded by black dabs. His blonde hair had been sprayed a pale grey, and needed another coat to reach the white Jack was probably trying to achieve. The work was sloppy, Gabriel noted, and though he’d mention it to Jack later, it was hardly his first concern. _

_ A very unhappy orange tabby was tucked in the crook of Jack’s elbow, hissing and squirming, while he was holding a gaudy children’s water gun, complete with cylindrical tank and faded neon colors. A ring of garlic and about ten different kinds of crosses with other holy symbols mixed in for good measure dangled from his neck. As Gabriel scanned the room, he noticed a circle of salt around his coffin, which he stepped over, settling inches from Jack’s face. _

_ “Give me back Winifred,” he snatched the cat from Jack. “You’re distressing her.” Winifred seemed to immediately calm down in Gabriel’s embrace, more so when he started making kissy faces at her. _

_ Jack stared blankly at him for a moment before pulling out a book from an interior pocket of his jacket. He also took out a pen and made three swift strokes across a sheet of paper tucked inside the front cover. _

_ Gabriel feigned a sigh, expression unamused. “Dare I ask what all of this is for?” He waved a hand over Jack, who looked like he’d robbed the discount section of a curio shop. _

_ “Well,” Jack said, shrugging, “I’ve kind of been interested in supernatural creatures since I was a kid, and I figured, since I’m dating one and all,” he stepped forward, placing a finger under Gabriel’s chin, “that it might be a good time to test some things.” _

_ “Some things?” Gabriel repeated slowly. _

_ “Yes.” Jack said, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Look,” Jack spun the book around so Gabriel could see the list he’d made, “I’ve managed to cross out a few of these already.” The items ‘cats’, ‘salt’, and ‘holy water’ all had a line through them. _

_ “Jack you remember that I have two more cats right?” _

_ “Nope.” _

_ “Sarah and Mary.” Gabriel eyed the cat hair that clung to the leather of Jack's pants. “They live upstairs.” _

_ Jack shrugged. “Never seen them.” _

_ Gabriel affixed him with a hard stare, but Jack’s feigned ignorance didn't budge.  _

_ “So, let me get this straight…” Gabriel gently ran the tips of his claws through Winifred’s fur. “You’re testing… weapons,” Gabriel almost couldn't hold a straight face when he said that word, “that have been used against my kind for centuries on me? You, a human, have the audacity, the gall to enter my lair-” _

_ “Basement.” _

_ “Lair.” _

_ “Gabe, you put your coffin in the basement of my house. You’ve been here for three months.” _

_ Gabriel tipped his nose up. “Someone has to make sure you don’t do something stupid, Morrison.” Though Gabriel’s words held no hint of malice. _

_ He'd met Jack in the woods of all places. He'd been horribly drunk, drowning the sorrows of losing his father, and Gabriel hadn't had the heart to feed from him. Gabriel had been around long enough to know the weight of death more than most, and found himself listening as the then stranger spilled his soul. They’d ended up sitting together in the underbrush at the base of an oak, and Jack had fallen asleep on his shoulder. It had been downhill from there.  _

_ “I already fell in love with you. I think in the realm of stupid things dating an ancient vampire lord as a mortal is probably up there.” _

_ “You’re not wrong,” Gabriel said with a smirk. Gabriel had enemies, and he’d moved in knowing their relationship made Jack a target, but neither of them would change what they had for anything. They knew that much, risks considered. _

_ Jack pressed a finger into Gabriel’s chest. “This is still a basement, by the way. You haven’t done anything to transform it to lair status,” he motioned to the stacks of cardboard boxes lining the walls, “and for someone who both dresses like an 18th Century prince and has the closet of one, I expected better.” _

_ “Big words coming from the man who can barely do his own Halloween costume,” Gabriel said. _

_ Jack replied by shooting him in the forehead with the water gun. _

_ Gabriel wiped his forehead. “We can start fixing your mess by taking these off,” he reached for the crosses, wrapping his fingers around the biggest one. _

_ Jack’s eyes darted from the cross to Gabriel’s face and back to the cross again. “I take it that does nothing?” _

_ “Not a thing.” _

_ “Really? That one was supposed to be blessed by St. Peter too… Pure silver.” _

_ “Where'd you get it?” _

_ “Ebay.” _

_ Gabriel shot him an accusing look. _

_ “It’s totally legit. The seller was high-rated, from Italy, and it even came with a certificate of authenticity.” _

_ Gabriel set Winifred down. She paused to hiss at Jack before darting up the stairs. He then went about removing the crosses and garlic ring from Jack's neck. Gabriel watched Jack strike two more items from his list. _

_ “You satisfied?” _

_ “For now.” Jack leaned in and planted a peck on Gabriel’s cheek, drawing back to flip through his book. Gabriel managed to see the title that time: ‘Vampire Myths and Legends of The World’. He also saw the public library sticker on the back cover, though some of the lettering was faded, and Gabriel wondered how long Jack had had that book. “You ready to go to the party?” _

_ “Jack.” _

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “Are you planning on doing this little testing spree again?” _

_ “I have an entire book to go through, and I figure, since you're one of the oldest vampires around, you’d be the best to prove once and for all what works and what doesn't. If you're up for it, that is.” _

_ Gabriel rolled his eyes. He wasn't just one of the oldest, he was the oldest, and as such he was fully aware of his weaknesses… none of which were in that book. But, he couldn't bring himself to ruin Jack's excitement. It was endearing, really, so he replied, “Alright, but I'm only putting up with it once a year.” _

_ “Yes.” Jack said holding a hand up for a high five.  _

_ Gabriel shook his head and returned the gesture.  _

_ Jack threw his arms around Gabriel and kissed him passionately. “You won't regret it.” _

_ “That,” Gabriel kissed him back, “remains to be seen.” _

 

* * *

 

The absurdity of the myths Jack tested ramped up over the years. Gabriel had learned to roll with them for the most part. He even fondly remembered some of them, at least in retrospect.

 

* * *

 

_ When Gabriel awoke his vision was filled with moving color; rainbows fluttered around his lair, crossing his path, covering every surface. _

_ “Hi Gabe,” Jack said, standing in front of Gabriel’s coffin with a smarmy grin on his face. “What do you think?” _

_ “I’d like to know how you got so many butterflies down here? Really Jack, I’m impressed.” Gabriel patted Jack on the shoulder, gazing in wonder as he wandered around the room. _

_ “Only impressed? You’re not… compelled,” a butterfly landed on his face, “pfft,” he waved it away, “by their freedom?” _

_ Gabriel held out a finger and a butterfly with iridescent blue and violet wings landed on it. “No.” He shook his head. _

_ “You sure you don’t want to, oh, I don’t know, join them in their” another butterfly landed on Jack’s face and he made another sputtering noise as he shooed it, “flight?” _

_ “I’m not going to turn into a butterfly if that’s what you’re getting at. Didn’t we cover this two years ago with the bats?” _

_ “I had to be sure.” Several butterflies landed on Jack’s head, and when he tried to swat them they briefly flew away then came right back, returning with more. Jack was soon swarmed by butterflies, and Gabriel just watched as he was swept up by a living tornado.  _

_ “It's just going to get worse the more you struggle,” Gabriel said as a few more butterflies gently settled in his dark, curly hair.  _

_ Jack continued to flail and spin around, cursing all the while, but his attackers were determined to use him as a perch. He slowly seemed to realize how futile his efforts were and slumped down on a step stool, completely covered in butterflies. Jack folded his arms and let out a huff. His living veil adjusted accordingly.  _

_ “Having fun dear?” Gabriel said with a smirk.  _

_ “This is really uncomfortable. Their little feet are so itchy,” Jack blew a jet of air at the ones on his nose, who weathered his assault and didn't budge. He twitched a bit before letting out a growl of frustration that rocked his entire body. The butterflies undulated in a wave.  _

_ Gabriel laughed. He approached Jack and waved a hand. The butterflies covering his face followed Gabriel’s gesture, revealing a very pouty Jack. “It's cute when your plans don't work.” _

_ “Can you get the rest of them to leave me alone?” Jack looked up at him with pleading eyes. Gabriel had a bit of an affinity for animals, as Jack had found out with the bats when he got them to spell out ‘Jackass’ in the sky.  _

_ “I suppose I can, for a price.” _

_ Jack shot him a glare and was about to speak when they heard a meow. A black cat was standing at the bottom of the stairs with a butterfly in its mouth.  _

_ “Sarah,” Gabriel snapped. “Put that down.” _

_ In response the cat cocked her head to the side, staring at Gabriel for just a moment before she turned and ran back upstairs in a blur. “Shit. Jack, what kind of butterflies are these?” _

_ “Uh,” Jack tapped his chin. “I have no idea.” _

_ “What. How can you not know?” Gabriel gesticulated with open palms. “They might be poisonous.” _

_ “Look, when you're ordering a thousand butterflies in bulk you pay more attention to price than variety.” _

_ Gabriel deadpanned.  _

_ “Don’t you know?” Jack pointed at him accusingly. “You're the Butterfly Whisperer.” _

_ Gabriel ran a hand down his face, briefly tugging at his beard. “C’mon. We'll find what she got,” Gabriel grabbed Jack by the arm and pulled him to his feet, making a stop gesture with his free hand, “and then you can look it up.” The butterflies stayed downstairs as they went after the cat.  _

 

* * *

 

It had taken them over an hour to corral the feline. The butterfly she’d ingested had turned out to be harmless, though it had been many years since those three cats had been alive. Gabriel and Jack had continued their relationship well into Jack's fifties. Then, as most humans did as they aged, he’d gotten sick. 

And it had been serious.

They'd both agreed there was only one option. It had made their lives far more interesting, if that were even possible. 

 

* * *

 

_ “I'm not even going to ask this time,” Gabriel said as he stepped into a sea of rice that covered the entire floor, spanning wall to wall. It almost went up to his knees. They'd moved into one of Gabriel’s old mansions, so his lair (which was actually a lair, as Jack had pointed out) was a significantly larger space decorated in carved Ceylon ebony, brushed iron sconces, and brilliant crimson tapestries. _

_ Jack was lying on top of the rice in what would otherwise be a sexy position if not for the circumstances. His head was propped up in his palm, and he batted his eyes at Gabriel. “Doesn't all of this rice make you want to do something?” _

_ “Other than wonder how you're removing it? No.” _

_ “You don't feel like stopping and counting it all?” Jack motioned with a wave of his hand. _

_ Gabriel walked up to him, affixing his gaze and quirking a brow. “Do I look like I'm from Sesame Street?” _

_ “Is that a rhetorical question?” _

_ “Jaaaack.” _

_ “Alright. Alright.” He rolled over on his back, pulling out the vampire book. Its spine had been repaired multiple times, evidenced by the many layers and varieties of tape. He pulled out a pen and crossed another item off his list.  _

_ “Why are we even still doing this?” _

_ “Because you agreed, and I find it amusing.” _

_ “Jack. I turned you. You're a vampire too. If none of your tests are affecting you, why would you think they would affect me?” _

_ “We've already established certain things affect us both differently,” Jack said, putting the book away. “I’m still mad at you about the whole sun thing.” Jack proceeded to make an angel out of the rice as if it were snow. _

_ “I did warn you that you weren’t going to have my level of resistance. You’re only a few years old.” _

_ “I’m fifty-six, Gabriel.” _

_ Gabriel chuckled and sat down beside Jack. “Not as a vampire you aren't.” Gabriel wasn’t bothered by sunlight, and Jack had made the mistake of thinking he wouldn’t be either. He’d received a nasty, almost full-body rash that itched constantly, and he ended up residing in Gabriel’s bathtub for three weeks (a bathtub that they’d filled with apple cider vinegar, which was, apparently, the only anti-itch remedy that seemed to work on Jack). _

_ “Well, at least we’ll always know who’s prettier.” _

_ “Did I mention our kind gets more attractive with age?” Gabriel ran a hand through his long, silken hair, turning his head so his dark skin caught the warm orange glow of a nearby flame. _

_ “Looking at you I’d be inclined to believe it,” Jack said. _

_ “Mmm, now you’re just trying to flatter me so you don’t have to clean up this mess.” _

_ “I’m thinking of another mess we could make…” _

_ Gabriel smiled, meeting Jack’s burning gaze. “Bribery too Jack? For shame.” _

_ Jack sat up briefly to pull Gabriel down into a kiss. Gabriel welcomed it, situating himself on top of Jack, and melted in his lover’s embrace. _

 

* * *

 

Gabriel supposed he’d been in his coffin long enough. It was time to find out what ridiculous myth Jack had settled on this year. There were still a few Gabriel knew of that he hadn’t tried yet.

Carefully, he pushed the lid open with his fingertips. His eyes widened.

_ Definitely not what I was expecting.  _

His lair was filled with fresh black and red roses, all of which had been carefully arranged in golden urns. Lit jack-o-lanterns were seeded throughout the makeshift field, faces grinning, laughing, and smiling at Gabriel. A pathway cut through it all, leading to a small circular table, atop which sat a candelabra and two wine glasses.

Gabriel approached, half expecting Jack to jump out of the flowers, senses on high alert as he listened for any minute rustling. Nothing happened though, and his suspicions grew when he reached the table. He felt Jack's presence in the room, he just couldn't quite pinpoint where; Jack's powers had been growing, . 

“Jack?” He said as he sat down.

“Happy Halloween,” Jack said, strong hands squeezing Gabriel’s shoulders, “my Midnight King.” Jack kissed the top of his head, and then his touch fled. He appeared in the chair across from Gabriel. “Sleep well?”

“Well enough. So, what myth you pick out?”

“I didn't.”

“Really now?”

“Nope. I figured after half a century of it you could use a break,” Jack held out a hand and conjured up a wine bottle from the darkness, though it didn't contain any wine. 

“That’s thoughtful of you.”

“I do owe you my immortality, and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you and everything you've done for me Gabe.” Jack poured their glasses, their eyes meeting. “I love you Gabriel, and there’s no one else I’d want to be with.”

Gabriel smiled warmly, relaxing in his seat. That was something he never got tired of hearing. Having a companion, a partner, a husband, was invaluable to counter the loneliness of the life he would have otherwise led, and he was ever thankful for it.

“This is where you say you love me too.” Jack motioned with a roll of his palm. 

“But do I? Do I really?” He said, tone light. “You are a major pain.”

“You’re the one who bit me.”

“And you’re almost more trouble than you’re worth, almost.” Gabriel examined the room again. It must have taken a lot of effort for Jack to put this display of affection together, and the roses, a declaration of love in death, were touching. He teleported onto Jack's lap then, placing his hands on either side of his face. “But I promise you, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you too Jack, more than I can express.”

They shared a kiss. 

“Well,” Jack said, eyes half-lidded, “you have plenty of time to show me.”

“That's something I'll drink to,” Gabriel said. 

“To our eternity,” Jack said.

“To us,” Gabriel replied. 

Both he and Jack presented their glasses in a toast and drank.

“This is fresh,” Gabriel noted. “Who did you kill?”

“No one important. He might have had something on him that may be related to next year’s myth,” Jack shrugged. “But I don’t know. Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Gabriel smirked. “Guess so.” 

Jack stood then, scooping Gabriel up in his arms. “Ready to celebrate our holiday?”

“With more intensity than every treat-loving, sugar-injected child combined.”

He and Jack laughed, their voices echoing through Gabriel’s lair. Their bodies merged with the darkness, and as they sped out of the room, the flames inside of the jack-o-lanterns danced with the same excitement they both felt.

**Author's Note:**

> This is Apostopal's fault. We were talking about the fact that Jack and Gabe now also have vampire Halloween skins and somehow this fic spawned. She helped me come up with some obscure myth ideas, as well as some lines, and one of Gabe's cats getting a butterfly. 
> 
> Kudos if you catch the reference with the cats. Yes, cats are probably the only animal Gabe's powers do not work on. Silly cats.
> 
> Jack's sexy pose is 100 percent "draw me like one of your French girls" from Titanic.
> 
> Happy (early) Halloween all.


End file.
